I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
