omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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