we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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