We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
