i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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