I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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