we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
