bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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