Who did Billy Mays play for?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
