Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize