Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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