ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
