Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
