we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
