he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
