I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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