if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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