I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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