I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
