is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
