it wasn't lemon gatorade
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize