Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
We got so high we made milksteak
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
