i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
