when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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