i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
