I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
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I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
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The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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