How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
