No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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