Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
