big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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