I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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