My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
