I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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