What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
