don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
