Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
