Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Watching her eat just hurts me
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
