$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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