Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
