I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
