literally had 100 drinks last night.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
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Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
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You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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