I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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