my soul wont recognize me after tonight
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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