I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
