dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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