there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
