Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
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His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
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Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?