Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
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I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks