I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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