Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
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He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
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I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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