A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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