My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
