omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
