i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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