can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
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donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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