First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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