I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
There's always time for handjobs
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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