if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
