Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
