so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
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My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
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If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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