i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
