you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
