apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
