You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
