I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
