We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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