You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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