Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
