There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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