I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
