I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
