dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
