DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
