One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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