thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
